People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. ~Leo J. Burke

Sleep while being pregnant is like nothing else. You can’t even control it. It is borderline narcolepsy, most especially the first trimester. You will just be sitting there watching a show, a movie, reading a book, even talking, and the next thing you know you are waking up in the middle of the night having to pee. What was that all about? It’s as if there is a little alarm that goes off in your uterus which sends a message to the brain and then you just shut off. There is no warning.

When I am pregnant, I totally get hibernation. The need to just sleep like it’s your job for basic survival. This past week I have been falling asleep when the kids fall asleep, and waking up when they get up. This is close to 12 hours people. I am not sure what Andy’s excuse it, but who, as an adult woman with children does this, if they are not pregnant? If you do, I would like to see your bathrooms, they are messy, and you know it. You better believe this needs to be rectified because a newborn does not sleep. If I continue to sleep for 12 hours a night throughout my pregnancy, I will die when the child comes, just roll over and die from sleep deprivation shock.

Don’t get me wrong, it is not a straight through sleep. I get up to pee at least 4 times. That or someone will bump their head on a wall or be out of their blankets, yelling that they are cold, which leads to me having to pee simply because I moved. This pee thing is outrageous. I think I drink enough to warrant maybe 5 or 6 bathroom stops during the day. Now the 10-15 more stops that I am averaging is just not right. And I am here to tell you that the other day Kendall brought a book to me while I was peeing that had to be read right then and there, so I sat there and read it, and I was like a leaky faucet throughout the entire book. At one point I turned to her and asked her to go and get a wrench.

The only one that truly adores this whole lengthy sleeping thing is Stanley. Things just don’t get done like they should when I am in a sleep induced coma, but he could care less. He will curl up in the blankets of my bed dreaming of trapping that nasty cat Lily in the corner and smacking some sense into her, snoring right along with me. It must be the short legs, or some pregnancy sympathy, but this dog is exhausted at the end of the day.
He in fact is taking his mid morning nap next to me as I type this, and keeps eyeing me as if he is saying, ‘come on you know you want to.’

When I was pregnant with Kendall I think I slept a lot more then this one. I would come home from work and crash on the couch until Andy got home, eat, and then go back to bed, and on Saturday mornings, forget about it, I don’t think we saw them. With Ethan it was a little different, I had Kendall to care for when I came home from work, I am sure I went to sleep when she did, but that child did not like to sleep, if she slept 6 to 7 hours a night I was happy. Perhaps that is why Ethan loves sleep so much, he had no restful sleep in the womb, and has to make up for it now. I do remember however falling asleep at my desk at work with both pregnancies because if I didn’t I would surely pull over on the side of the road on the way home and have to take a nap. There were a few of us pregnant in that place at different times, and each of us fell asleep so hard that we drooled on our blotters. So much for helping the children in need, but come on, what is 20 minutes? The rest of us that shared an office, would just whisper to each other softly so as not to disrupt the sleeping pregnant beast. So with this one, I need to be alert during the day, Kendall does not nap anymore, yeah big surprise, and so I am Mom on Duty for 12 hours, rest only comes at night. If the children wake up earlier then 8 a.m. my day is done, the rest was not complete and I stare lustfully all day long at blankets, pillows, beds, couches. Even the premade beds in department stores tempt me. Don’t they look just so comfy, all fluffy, with the 75 pillows just sitting there waiting for you to curl in? I mean who would really care if I just tested it out for 15 minutes?

Don’t get me wrong, there are some days while Ethan is napping that I put on a Barbie movie for Kendall that she just loves and curl up next to her and nap. Anyone might nap though, in that situation. Have you seen those movies? They are for sure right up her alley, but if I watch more then 15 minutes my eyes start to bleed. Kendall loves them; I mean loves them so much she reenacts them for the remainder of the day. Oh Barbie. I will admit though that I played Barbie’s right up into my tween years, and I loved them. Have you seen the new camper they have out this year? I just might start playing again.

So if you need to catch up on some sleep, go ahead and get pregnant and then it is forced. Or just take a day off, whatever floats your boat. Regardless, I will see you in dreamland.


Saltines Anyone?

Morning sickness. Who came up with that name and why? It is not morning sickness at all. It is nausea that will grip you at any point in the day, that’s what it is. Wouldn’t that be great if it were just in the morning? Those women are so fortunate. Of course it would be even more fortunate to not have it at all, but as we all know, I am not so fortunate when it comes to pregnancy and well I mean why not suffer with incredible nausea too? For the sake of the argument, and the Mayo Clinic’s pregnancy handbook, or something like that, as well as ‘What to Expect When You Are Expecting’, I will refer to it as Morning Sickness. Well until I come up with a better name when I write my little pregnancy guidebook. I don’t know, you tell me, hell just doesn’t seem appropriate; it also may scare people off, and then what would I use to describe vaginal birth? Don’t you just want to go and conceive right now?

As I am in the throes of morning sickness I think sometimes, does everyone experience it the same way? Probably not. I mean everyone feels pain a little different, depending on their tolerance level. Kendall, for instance, screams out in pain if her underwear is on backwards. Ethan it takes a little bit more, like a nice fall down the stairs. So I am going to go ahead and assume that beyond the expected symptoms of an illness, each person is going to feel them a little differently. Again, for instance, my husband has never had diarrhea cramps. That’s what he says folks. Isn’t that something? I think it is impossible. How do you not ever have that? It is terrible, it bends you in half and makes you want to reach into your abdomen and throw it across the room. Don’t even get me started if there isn’t Pepto near by. However, I think he has had it, but experiences it different then me, his bowel is more tolerant to pain, and it’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

So I can only describe it as it happens to me, this morning sickness thing, and if it is any better to you congrats, and if it is worse, I am so very sorry. I will preface this with my only advice in regards to the subject, because nothing works for me, I have tried it all, but if at all possible, don’t throw up. I mean there are some women who can’t help it. I understand that. However, it is not like a stomach bug. Throwing up will not get rid of anything, and you will only feel worse. I tried it once with this pregnancy, and I vow to never do it again if I can help it. Beyond all of that, I hate throwing up to begin with. I still cry for my mom. Really. Almost 31, almost 3 children, I still want my mom to take care of me when I am sick.

Morning sickness to me is similar to that feeling you have the next morning after you have consumed way too many adult beverages. You feel as if there is just all this gross stuff just sloshing around in that belly and you want to get rid of it, but like I said, throwing up doesn’t, and so, you are stuck. It is that incredible nausea you feel right before you throw it all up vowing to never drink again. Bathroom floors and their chill still feel fabulous, but you will most likely not turn and see one of your girlfriends suffering along side of you anymore. Instead you now have your three year old stating the obvious, ‘Wow Mommy, that baby is sure making you sick, huh?’

Morning Sickness hits me throughout the day and night. My hormones, since they are notoriously known to be so cooperative, are even more super awesome then that. I will be getting ready to make dinner, excited about what I am making, hardly being able to wait until it is done. BAM. The smell of the chicken has me dry heaving, the nausea comes, meal ruined for me. And it goes like this. Wake up in the middle of the night in pain because my bladder is full for the 12th time that night, and climb back into bed, excited to fall back asleep because it is only 2 am, and I have so much more sleep to come, smell the dog, it’s over. It is primarily associated with smells, sometimes, just when I think I have it figured out, and vow to shove cotton balls up my nose; I get overcome with nausea just sitting outside watching the kids ride their bikes. The terrible part about it is that when it hits you it doesn’t get any easier to handle 3 weeks into it, and even 3 pregnancies into it. It is still the same unbearable wanting to vomit all over the place feeling. I will confess that with Ethan it was not as bad. This I have studied in depth and come up with two hypotheses. 1. It was only 4 months after I have given birth to Kendall, that I conceived Ethan, it is feasible that my body had not rid itself of all pregnancy hormones and therefore, the increasing flow of hormones was not a shock to my system. 2. It’s a girl. We will not be able to come to a conclusion for a couple more weeks, and I have not decided if we will share the sex of the baby or not. Surprises are fun. Not for me, because I am going to find out, but of course, for others.

The best part about morning sickness this time is that I cannot just take a minute or twenty to recover and compose myself and get used to the nausea, I have my kids. Kids of my children’s age do not accept, ‘Mommy doesn’t feel good.’ It does not register, and they aren’t going to say, ‘Hey Mommy, why don’t you go lie down, we will just sit quietly in our rooms and entertain ourselves while you rest.’ So I give myself a little pep talk, consisting of some self-discipline along the lines of, ‘get yourself together Melissa, you asked for this, and beyond that your kids need you to break up fights, feed them, and create forts with them that you pray will entertain them for at least 45 minutes.’

Your body does some pretty strange things while you are pregnant, some are just downright absurd, and morning sickness is just the beginning, so you better suck it up. I think it is your body’s way of saying, ‘can you handle what I am throwing at ‘cha because you ain’t seen nothing yet,’ with the culmination of it all being birth. So on with it.



Yes, it is true. Seems as though this little fetus has decided that my uterus will do for now. Ethan must have had words with it. Something like, ‘You just wait and see little buddy, it is a pretty great place, she eats lots of ice cream, and her skin stretches really, really far so you have all this room. Sometimes I even wish I could go back in there.’

I have already popped and I am nice and comfy in my maternity clothes. That’s right. No shame. The body was like, oh there is a baby in here that is staying for awhile, lets just go ahead and explode. I think I may make the Guinness Book of World Records as the largest pregnant with one child woman. No joke, you would think I am 12 weeks pregnant with triplets.

I haven’t blogged in quite sometime. I know it. But see, my multi tasking skills went right down the toilet along with the massive amounts of pee I now create. Being sick all.day.long, is quite difficult with two small children, most especially when it lasts oh about 8 weeks, from the day I found out at somewhere around 4 weeks up until a few days ago. It still rears its ugly head, but not to the point that I want to consider finding a cave and setting up camp in. So my motto for the children and I as I suffered, quite simple, ‘Keep them alive.’ We did a lot of educational programming as I curled in between them saying sweet prayers to Jesus. Thanking him for the nausea but asking him to keep it at bay for at least 2 hours so that I could clean the massive piles of clutter that had taken over my house. Apparently again, I am the only in my household who knows how to clean. Well, besides Ethan. He is definitely a little helper. Ok, so I have been training him be just that. But I will not send a man from my womb to a wife and not have eyes that see a mess and be moved so much by it that he has no other option then to clean it up. He will clean his toothpaste stains out of the sink, so help me!

So my tolerance level is just gone. It was pretty slim to begin with. How is that possible with such small children you ask? Medication. Slightly more seriously though, I bottle it. All day long. Of course Andy is the direct target on most occasions when the bottle explodes at 8 pm promptly each evening,but his coping skills are much higher, ok, a little bit higher. But oh being pregnant, and having raging hormones that take over your body from your toes to the end of your hair, yeah, Mama’s got a short fuse, you best listen the first time.

But yes we are excited, we are thrilled, we feel blessed. The baby continued to grow each week I saw my specialists. It was a week off at first, and I about kicked my legs out of the stirrups and ran for the hills vowing to get my tubes tied, but then the doctor told me to give it a week, a could have ovulated a week late and so that is why everything would seem off. I did come to an infertility specialist for a reason, not because I thought it was cool, but wait a week? Right. Every morning I woke up pressing on my boobs to make sure they were still sore and just sat around waiting for the acid to build up enough in my stomach from all the hormones that I just wanted to barf all over the house. And then the ultrasound, and it grew. The doctors discharged me to go to my regular ob/gyn at 8 weeks. My first appt is next week with the doctor that delivered Ethan. Don’t you feel some sort of camaraderie with the doctor that delivered your child? I do, most especially since they see the most ugly sides of you, and still let you take the baby home. He has delivered so many babies that I am sure he doesn’t remember me screaming at him to get Ethan out of me. But I don't know how he could forget me screaming at him I couldn’t do it as Ethan was crowning, and just stopped pushing right then and there, leaving my son with a bruise on his forehead for the first two weeks of life. I tell you what, that vagina, that’s some strong muscle right there, it leaves vicious marks. But I remember it all, and I remember him telling me that we will get the baby out together. Teamwork I tell you.

I plan on blogging about pregnancy A LOT. Well because what else is there to talk about, really, people. But life is still going on around me and I will blog about that too. I plan on putting this little asterisk *, see just like that, after the titles that contain subject matter that as a man you may not want to read about, or if you are woman and are just not into hemorrhoids, stretch marks, and things of that nature. You will see this one has it, since I have already made mention to the vagina, peeing, boobs, etc. There will be entries about pregnancy that won’t contain these items, and will consequently not have an * after the title, but you know me, and they will be far and in between, and if that is the case, enjoy the intermittent blogs about other things that I post, and see you post partum. On second thought, you may want to wait even 6 weeks after that since I turn into a wretched beast with itchy, sore stitches and flabby fatty skin, after I give birth, who gets as angry as all get out that she is not Heidi Klum and cannot just jump back into pre pregnancy wear. I will certainly be going on about that too. I know you are as excited about it as I am.

How are the future bigger sister and big brother coping:

No, Kendall and Ethan are super excited. Kendall says if it is a girl she is naming it Jasmine. Umm..yeah.. I think that Ethan gets the idea that there is a baby coming, I don't think he gets that it is inside me, simply to him, I am just fat and crabby, and then someday a baby is just going to be delivered to our front door. Once it gets in the way of him completely wrapping his entire body around me to snuggle, he might just get it a little better. My prediction is, he will resemble this picture for a few weeks after the baby arrives, and if it is a girl Kendall will have a complete and utter meltdown in the hospital over the fact that the baby is in fact not named Jasmine, or any other disney princesses. All is well for the third child, nothing like a warm welcome.

So until the next blog, I will be tending to my offspring,peeing,and sleeping. See you soon.