My form of Mom Jeans, Gangnam Style

Now that I have got you refreshed and up to date on the offspring, let's head right on back into my every day chaos.

So totally not sure about the rest of you, but 'Gangnam Style' has been stuck in my head on continual repeat for the past two weeks. I now decided this week that I needed to look into this song since Kendall came home one day and informed me that I dance just like that guy. She then later repeated this and  put on a little show of her own to demostrate this point in my kitchen while I was making dinner one night. Here's also how I know that I am getting old and indeed have 3 children. I need to youtube the video because I had not idea what anyone, including my daughter, was talking about. Immediately there needs to be a sign on my forehead that refers to me as a dork. I mean seriously? I am now that mom that has no idea what their kids are talking about in regards to something trending. Here's my mom flash back 15 years talking to her friends from church in her mom jeans...'I don't know what it is, something on the computer, called the world wide web? All I know is that it ties up my phone lines.'  THIS IS ME!!! And I totally have on yoga pants right now with a long sleeved tee, this must be my generations Lee Stone Washed Jeans with a turtle neck tucked into the waist! Mad props to my mom though who now wears low waisted skinny jeans...there is hope for my future after this children stop sucking at my brain.

But back to my now fashionable Korean:

O.k. so perhaps I do occasionally saddle up while dancing and mimic a cowboy. And, alright, maybe I do kind of chase the children around the home while doing crazy dance moves to annoy them. However, I am not korean, SURPRISE. Not only that this first time I heard this song I thought for sure he was saying, 'open condom style,' and I was like, what the heck!?!?! To make matters worse,  I had no idea at first that he was singing or whatever he is doing, in korean, I just simply thought I could not understand him, with the exception of this one line, oh and 'HEEEEEEY SEXY LADY'.! So I was of course horrified to know that this newly buzzed about song was in fact encouraging the use of condoms being open. I know, I can't make sense of it either when I think about it, what does and open condom style even mean? But in the heat of the astonishment here in my head it made complete sense. Of course, everyone knows what open condom style is! First a nuclear threat and now unsafe sex!!!!  And thats right, I am typing the words condom and sex on my blog that my parents read. Although I am pretty certain with the three grandchildren I have bestowed unto them they are aware that I do indeed know what a condom is. What's up Dad?

So then of course I ban this song. Cannot believe that they even play this on the radio, and why is George Stephanopolaus not as upset about this as me and ranting about it at 7 a.m.!?!?! Top news!?!? George!?!?!

 Kendall was not better, once I found then found out it was Gangnam Style, he was saying, I asked her what the guy was saying, you know because a six year olds take is vital, and she says, ' He's saying, HEEEEEEYYYYY CRAZY LADY, whomp, whomp whomp, you are shing shang si.' I asked her what does that even mean, she tells, 'he is saying hey crazy lady, in both american and chinese language, shing shang si, means, crazy lady.'

Alright then.

I also sometimes find it fascinating that the things I do inside the privacy of my own home other people may do and then make millions. I mean Kendall has a point, I do 'dance' crazy like this, but I was not in fact calling it dancing, it was the interpretive movements of a mother on her last straw of the day; a bit tribal and therapeutic at the same time one may presume. And maybe it was done to some upbeat tempo that perhaps wants to make you shake your booty or flail your legs like a...like a, I really am not sure, but regardless it made me feel better.

Now when I first watched the video after hearing it played a zillion times, I was very confused. Because I am getting old and the humor was lost on me through almost the entire video. What is with all the randomness? Whats with the horse barn? Flying fire extinguisher contents in the face? The life preserver? Cross Dresser in a parking garage? And please, please do not get me started on the elevator and the toilet. Wikipedia, my go to and source of all truth, says that Gangnam is a district in Seoul. Is this how they act in Gangnam? This is their style? Could be that I just don't speak Korean, so following this story would be impossible anyway. I mean maybe being in a sauna and then flashing to an explosion makes perfect sense.

Then I get to the end. They are a group dancing his crazy dance and it is then I flash back to the Thriller video and I once again proclaim this time to PSY, instead of Michael Jackson, I will learn this dance. In the end, it really is not as awesome as Thriller, but I must say it is the same rewind replay action that had me master the basics of Michael to be able to bust a move whenever Thriller is played. This time I had my little side kick with me. 'Kendall, homework can wait, this afternoon we are mastering shing shang si.'

I am thinking flash mob?
Who's with me?

Study Up. I will post the dates and times of try outs soon.
Gangnam Style


#78 for Florida State

The middle child is very soft spoken. He is sensitive and he is at his best sitting quietly being creative. He will share his thoughts and what he thinks is funny. And man, can he be humble. He is quite alright with someone taking the thunder. He is cautious and meticulous. I sometimes say aloud, 'he is my little Eagle Scout. '

The eldest makes the kitchen her stage, she twirls and sings and shakes that thing like no one elses business. She is the social butterfly informing me this morning that she is in a club at recess. I asked her what sort of club, she informed me a friend club. (aka, a clique) You know, you bite your tongue sometimes, you fear the worst, you fear your child and the movie Mean Girls. Then I envision Tina Fey coming to her school and her wearing a body cast to the prom. I go to that extreme, really. But promise only in my head. However,  I made sure to tell her that she should let anyone in the club in that wants to be.  She cocked her head and looked at me like I was mental, which maybe I am. She then said, 'we know that, we want all of recess to be in our club and we can all sit around and sing and dance and talk on the black top.' At least she gets the idea of politics.

So as you can see...

Things could be very quiet here, toys could be kept nice, carpets clean, laundry heading in the right direction. I have a girly girl and a boy who was his mama's boy and likes to have structure like his mama.

And then came the tyrant...

You know, if you want to have some kids and you want to get a good idea of what a boy, a typical boy may act like. I would say, come over here and I will provide you with complete opposites. Ethan will teach exert some manners and talk your ear off about superheroes, and then you will be pleased and perhaps excited. However, please stop at the pharmacy though, before hand,  and pick up your new prescription of xanax because as you come in the front door, there will be Jake to your left standing on the counter saying, 'I jump far!!' He will then take a flying leap off the counter and roll across the hardwood floor, as I proclaim, 'hey Jake, please don't roll in the pile of dirt I just swept up again, land a little more to the right next time.'

Some comments from friends while spending some time around Jake:

'um Jake is walking along the outside edge of the porch, did you want me to grab him?'

'uh, Jake is on the roof of the car yelling at all the other kids, want me to help you get him down?'

'I think Jake just pushed the chair up to the fridge and has given every child in the neighborhood a popsicle.'

'Jake is riding the power wheel truck around the block and is running head first into trees and running over the other kids bikes.'

'Jake just brought a baseball bat from upstairs and is chasing Kendall and Ethan around the house.'

'So, Jake is on the landing on your staircase and is asking me to watch him jump.'

'Jake is standing on the edge of the diving board bouncing asking me to catch him, I do not have a swim suit on.'

'Jake is sitting on top of the toy shelf in the basement.'

'Jake just chased the cat down the street.'

'Jake just spilled an entire of glass of hawaiian punch on the carpet.'

'Jake just walked in my door and is sitting on my floor playing, did you know he was outside?'

'Jake just threw a ball and it landed in the gutter and he is trying to get out the window to get it.'

I don't know...this child...he is just plain chaotic. No surface is safe, no toy left untouched. He is a full of 'bright,' ideas.
He is an adventure seeker. He is a dare devil. He has no fear. He is a headache. He is adorably sweet with a blond hair which on humid days spirals into tight curls. He knows what he wants and will always attempt to get it. He calls me 'Maaa-yeee.'  He actually looks like my side of the family. I knew those genes could work if they really wanted to.

He loves to laugh and make others laugh. He loves being included with his brother and sister. He is never without food on his face. He is always messy. He wakes up and his body is on 'play' until he is put to bed and he is out within minutes.

The pediatrician let me know that if he continues with this growth pattern he will be the size of a linebacker when he is through. Good thing he is athletic. I mean totally minor. I can totally work 5 jobs to support his appetite. There is just one linebacker rule I have. Its simple. No crack. Linebackers always bend over at the line of play and butt crack is shown. I have no problem traveling to the pan handle to watch #78, (the year of his mother's birth of course) play for Florida State, but there will be a motto, 'crack is whack.'

He is my third child. He is my last, and therefore, he is my baby, FOREVER. He is definitely treated as such. Who can resist a linebacker that still curls up on his mama like this...




The Eldest

As previously mentioned Kendall came walking out of me a healthy 23 year old child.
As also previously mentioned if she does not win an academy award or tony at some point in her life, it would be a real talent wasted.

The theatrics. If you actually feed into them and take them seriously you may actually go right on and jump off a bridge. The attitude sometimes makes me look at her and think, why does this child have me coming out of her mouth?!?!? The only difference is, my censor button works, hers has yet to be purchased and so things that you just think to say but don't really come out of her mouth with no qualms.

I love this girl dearly. I love the freckles on her face. I love her toothless smile. I love her hugs and I love her imagination. I love when she gets her music going and without warning she busts down the stairs or out of the bathroom downstairs holding a pretend mic, performers face and attitude in tact and she rocks it out like she ran out on stage to perform for all of her adoring fans.

She can be so very funny. She enjoys talking in accents. Occasionally she will tell me she is speaking a particular language, german, chinese, spanish, but they are all words and sounds that make no sense and always have a french accent. I don't know, I suppose thats where an acting coach will come in handy. After she gets a part time job waiting tables to pay for said coach.

Kendall is now in first grade. In case you didn't know that means she is big stuff. I mean seriously, being in school all day, packing a lunch. She is the cats meow. We have already lost a library book.

I love to mimic Kendall when she isn't around because you must laugh about it. Just this morning she gave me a running commentary on her clothing. Clothing and Kendall are a pretty touchy subject. They must resemble what she thinks is cool or stylish and it may not be whatever is trendy, but you need to get it right or all chaos ensues...kind of like this morning.

'Seriously? This shirt has like no design on it? You really think that no design looks normal?'

'Kendall, it is a plain purple shirt. A plain purple shirt with leggings and a jean skirt. Not every shirt needs to have a design.'

'I cannot go to to school without a design on my shirt its an assembly day, bright colors, I am supposed to stand out.'

'Purple is a bright color Kendall. It is a royal color. You will certainly at the very least look royal. It's your favorite color.'

'I cannot believe it. I just can't believe it.I do like purple, but like a purple with a silver design on something, like this is so plain purple. Are you going to wear a shirt with no design on it?'

'No, I am going to wear a shirt with a design on it that says my daughter drives me insane!! Now go downstairs and eat a pop tart with a design on it.'

Now you might say don't engage in the back and forth with her. It is the outfit that you had previously agreed upon, she wears it and goes to school. Ok, why don't you come over and give that a shot. I dare you.

Her teachers always say to me, 'Kendall is just so quiet, I wish she would come out of her shell a little bit.' I assure them that this is not what they want. I am quite ok with this really. I mean if she is going to either be a drama queen at school or at home, I obviously would prefer the home. Which means she gets it, you keep the crazies quiet in public.

She is an adolescent girl in a six year old's body. And no Mom, I do not encourage it. I may be in for it when she is 16, or she may just get it out of her system now. Either way, I am well seasoned.


The Middle

I will start with the middle child because he is my favorite.
Wait, what?
Let me try again.
I will start with the middle child because his big brown eyes melt my heart.
One more time.
I will start with the middle child because sometimes I feel guilty, like maybe he suffers from middle child syndrome. I would have no idea what that might feel like, I was the oldest so I was the boss, more out spoken then my other two siblings.
So needless to say, I am a push over when it comes to Ethan. I admit it. No need to tell me or hold some intervention. He may never move out and I will end of feeding him and doing his laundry for the rest of his life due to this, but at least I won't be lonely.

He has said he is going to be a zoo keeper. He has promised that I can live at the zoo with him. But in a little house next to his. Alright, I can deal with that. I asked him if I could sing and dance and welcome everyone to the zoo daily. He kindly said, 'that's ok Mommy, but you can sing when every one goes home...for like one show's time.' Every thing here is measured out in increments of show length. 'How long until I go to school?'  'Two shows time.'

So this is progress. Two years ago this child wanted to crawl back into my womb, bring his blankie, and call it home.

I simply started with Ethan because he just plain grew up. Kendall came out of me and was already 23, and Jake, listen I don't know what's up with that kid, he literally is a hurricane. So to have a child actually become more and more independent and begin to spread those little wings is fascinating to me. I literally thought I was going to have to shove him from the nest and set the place on fire so he wouldn't have something to return to.

This kid has friends. And not only that, he asks daily when school starts, and gets a little disappointed if there is no school. This kid has confidence in his skills and can confidently tell you when he is or isn't ready to acquire a new one.  I told him the other day as he sat coloring, 'E you are such a good artist.'  He replied, 'I know that Mommy.' And he sat there laughing some giggle un der his breath that had this mocking tone, that really was 'duh, like no kidding, look at this piece I just created, catch up.'

Yet, riding a bike with two wheels is a work in progress. He will do this willingly at my grand parents farm, but told me he is not ready for the 'sharp' turns in the neighborhood.

He really did say sharp. He also told me yesterday that he was 'really picking up the skills that are necessary to whistle. '

Hello vocabulary.

Where does he get it? Ok, so perhaps I did just say to him and his brother, 'If you two cannot respect each others boundaries I am going to have to intiate an alternate activity to play.' A full vocabulary must be like spanish, if you teach it from a young age they just may be fluent, ok so maybe a bit of a dork, but I talk like that, you expect me to change? Get real.

And he isn't all Spelling Bee Champ Vocab. Please. He does have speech issues surrounding his 'sl's, and l's' I personally find it mad cute. 'Hey Mommy, remember this summer when we pwayed on the swip and swide? I wuved that.' So needless to say there will be some speech therapy in Elementary School, I am sure. Right now it's one of those things I can constantly correct, or just go on with conversation because I clearly understand him, screw everyone else. I don't know I have never heard a grown man ask, 'can I pwease have swice of pizza?' So I am totally cool with it and have no worries.

Ethan did not head to Kindergarten this year. This is where having them a year apart from each other works in my favor and not have me longing for my sanity to return. I could actually see from the time that Kendall started preschool that Ethan was more behind her then one year. This kid was so disinterested in anything school while Kendall was screaming mad on the first day of preschool that she did not come home with the ability to read chapter books.  So Ethan is in Pre Kindergarten at the same preschool he attended last year. He is in this class with two of his closest homies, which could have gone either way. He could have been completely distracted and playing ninjas when he is supposed to be reciting his abc's, but it has built his confidence and made the classroom comfortable.I have seen learning actually click. To the point where he says to sister, 'Kendall why do you cry about homework? Its fun.' I wouldn't exactly go that far.

When asking Ethan what is favorite things to do he replied:

1. Color
2. Play Super Heroes, or Power Rangers, or Ninjas
3. Go to School
4. Watch SuperHeroes
5. Play Dinosaurs and learn their names
6. Practice Whistling

Man he is determined to whistle.


Here I Go Again...

Its for reals.
You may not even like it.
You may say the world was a better place with her random mouth shut.

I decided my mind was a better place to live when I wrote.
It help me smile about my kids instead of want to run the opposite direction pretending they were not mine.

So with my mind made up and too many stories to tell, I was like, ok well here I go again...

And immediately White Snakes, 'Here I Go Again,' pops into my head.

Thats right, I am still the same person underneath and over a year later.
Don't you go worrying about, or perhaps hoping for a change.
'Here I go again on my own. Goin' down the only road I've ever known.'
Its going to be in my head all.day.long. Yours too, with flashes of men with long teased out hair and lycra pants. Why did people think this was hot? Can someone tell me how one might look in the mirror and think that perhaps they look awesome?

Rambling starts tomorrow.