I have decided that one of the first things I am going to do when I get to heaven is track Eve down. I am going to march right up to her and say, 'Hey thanks a lot for eating that apple.' Not that I might not have been tempted myself, but I wasn't offered a tainted apple.
Here is the good thing about pregnancy and consequently,child birth. The baby. The end.
I understand that there are women out there that would suffer through much more pain to have a child come from their womb. I sympathize with that, and at one point I was right there with them. I am still right there with you, doesn't make childbearing and birth, again, thanks to Eve, any better, but I just want to encourage you in the fact that the plan for you is greater. Could you just imagine? We were right there, saying well obviously we aren't supposed to get pregnant to raise a child, let's explore other options, and BAM, pregnant with Kendall. This my dear friends, let me tell you, is my challenge and purpose, this girl was given specifically to me. No doubt about it, chosen with humor and purpose. 'Ha Ha, you asked for this!' Not that Kendall isn't a wonderful child, and that I don't love every single ounce of her, she is just Kendall. Simply put; she is just Kendall. I have a strong faith in the fact that the desire to be a mother is not overlooked, the means may be different for each person, but it is there for a reason, and will be fulfilled if you are seeking actively to fill it.
However, with that said, the chosen method for me after much doubt that it would ever be this way, is through child bearing and birth. Not without its challenges and heartaches, which you can read about in my past blog entries, but none the less, this is the means to our end, our little cherubs. Does not mean in any way that it makes it any easier. Does not mean that I won't whine, because I will. Give me a podium, I will go on for days.
But I mean come on, 8 months pregnant with a sumo wrestler? This is just not funny anymore. I will be getting an ultrasound to check the size of this child within the next two weeks. My doctor asked me what my cut off was for vaginal birth. 10 pounds, I guess? My She-ra friend Trista says that I can do it, no matter what the size. Uh, yeah, have you seen the size of my children's heads? They themselves weigh 6 pounds at birth. She also seems to think that breastfeeding is a wonderful thing. Not knocking it, because I haven't tried it, but I think I am going to with this one. However, it does not help that every single thing I read about breastfeeding lets me know that it is very painful. One woman went as far as to say that it was walking around with a paper cut on your boob that is constantly being irritated and then sucked on producing liquid that makes it sting. Awesome. My friend Cherie says that once I clear the 3 week mark with it, I will be fine. Excuse me? 3 weeks? How about the 3rd time, or the third day? Does she not remember not sleeping more then maybe 2 hours a day for a month, and then to top it off you get to have your breasts tortured?!?! I don't know people. Specifically, I don't know you la leche leaguers, I might fail you big time. And don't even try it, don't even say it, 'oh you are setting yourself up for failure.' Just shut up. Every time I am in Target that aisle with the formula just says to me...'this will make your like one million times easier.' If it makes me a wimp, well then, I will take getting picked last in gym class. I am going to try it though, alright? I invested in books, Cherie gave me her pump to use. But calloused nipples? What in the world?!?? But I swear if it doesn't grant me some weight loss, I am so selfish sometimes.
I must though confess the greatest selfishness in all of this. During your hospital stay you have the option of taking the baby to the nursery through the night. Now if you are a formula feeder, they feed the baby every two hours through the night. You get where I am going with this right? Before I had Kendall a piece of advice was bestowed upon me, 'since you are going to be bottle feeding, send the baby to the nursery at night so that you can sleep, because once you are home, there is no nursery to send them to.' They of course bring the baby back to you at 6 am, before the shift change, but just the same, the drop off happens at 10 p.m. So with this knowledge, Andy and I dropped Kendall and Ethan off both nights we were there for their first sleepover parties. I am certain that the nurses were like, 'lazy mother,' in complete honesty, I could care less. If you breast feed, this option is still open to you, but since your boobs aren't velcroed on, SURPRISE!, the baby is delivered to you each time it shows that it is hungry. And then you actually have to ring the bell and actually tell someone that they can take the baby back to the nursery. I don't think I would have the balls to do this, and so guess what? A wretched breast feeding beast is formed. Hey, I told you it was a selfish confession, but having gotten home with Kendall and having 3 sleepless nights in a row right off he bat, I was thankful for the sleep I got in the hospital.
So you know, breastfeeding sounds like fun...
Right now I am in the end stages. I waddle worse then a duck. I am not sleeping at night, because when you get to this point you have to rotate sides to be comfortable thanks to the hip pain about every hour or so. I am out of breath when I simply just walk across a room. I seriously pant like a dog. When this child is growing I immediately feel it, and he wants to be fed. Last night I was up at 2 a.m. feeding it cocoa pebbles. Nutritious. And I get to hear every time I see someone, 'Wow you are bigger then the last time I saw you.' Just what every woman wants to hear. It's really uplifting. And the charlie horses, oh the charlie horses! They are worse after I work, obviously, because I am on my feet anywhere from 8-16 hours on a shift, yeah, that's right,now you all know where I will most likely go into labor. But anyway, the other night I seriously thought that someone was taking a power drill with the biggest bit attached, and going straight into my calf. I woke up screaming and crying, if I could have moved I would have torn the place up since that is what I do when I am in pain, I kick or throw things that are near me. That is why an epidural is pretty important. Otherwise Andy would have forceps flying towards his head in the delivery room. I have to be paralyzed. Andy of course, tried rubbing it, he actually leapt out of bed, I think he thought I was in labor, but just the same, it was bad, and they don't get any better until this child comes out.
And that is my piece. My venting.
Again, you can run Eve, but you can't hide. I am on to you.
Pictures are proven evidence that I am as big as a small house with room for 3, and giving birth to a super size.
But now the sun is out. We have runny noses, slight coughs, and pants that don't stay up on pregnant bellies, but we still made it outside to play in this weather, and plan on doing it again today. I love the exhaustion that comes over little kids in the first days they are able to play outside again at bedtime. It is a peaceful, deep sleep, and you know they are having the best dreams ever!
I of course, cannot let the first tee shirt wearing weather go by without some tunes about it. I was singing them all day long to the kids. They of course by the end of the day were, 'enough Mommy!!!' So now I have to share them with you. So open up the windows and let the 'hood hear how happy you are this wretched winter is over...and I swear if it rears its ugly head for one last hoorah I will refuse to take off the flip flops! Take that! I don't even have flip flops yet. This is a disgrace. I threw mine out from last season because I could actually feel the concrete through the sole, vowing that I would replace them when the sun came out. Well it is time! I need to get to Old Navy. Honey, take me to Old Navy I need my 2 for $5 flip flops today before the navy blue and brown ones run out and I look like a fool wearing the black ones with a brown shirt. I will do it though...I love my flip flops, don't test me. Just roll me right in the front door. I need black, brown, navy blue, and a pair for Kendall to make it an even 4, because you need to buy 2 to get the 2 for $5. They don't mess around. However, I am going past an Old Navy today on the way to and from my doctors appt. I think I deserve them since I will be put through the agony of getting on a scale. I'm just saying. Anyone need some?
I also took the time to take some pics of the kids in the warm weather because all I have is cold weather pics of them in the house as little decorations, and you know that just won't do, we have to be seasonal around here, right Cherie?
So the tunes...
to accompany the pics...
press play now, sing along, dance along, get out the bikes, oh and the band aids, and the sunscreen, I forgot that yesterday...poor cheeks.
1. 'I Can See Clearly Now, the Rain is Gone' -Johnny Nash
Ok, so seeing clearly is debatable since I am over 8 months pregnant, and nothing makes much sense anymore, but the rain being gone is probably going to make things a little easier.
2. 'Here comes the Sun' -Sheryl Crow
I sang this to E when he woke up yesterday morning. He isn't a big fan of morning serenades, but I am his mother, who can't sing to save my life, but dream I can, so he has a long road ahead of him.
This one you are going to one to turn up and call in the kids. We love to dance to this tune. Kendall loves to sing it. She was even singing it when I was snapping photos of her yesterday.
4. 'Walking on Sunshine' -Katrina and the Waves
This chick is really excited that some dude is knocking on her door when she thought he wouldn't. Good for her. I am just happy she sang about it, added that she was walking on sunshine, and added a beat that we could dance to, and correlate with good weather.
5.'It's a Sunshine Day' -The Brady Bunch
Anything the Brady Bunch sings is so annoying to me, and to have this song in my head was really annoying yesterday. I put on a short little diddy so you can feel my pain. What dorks.
6. 'Boogie Shoes' -KC & the Sunshine Band
Any band that has Sunshine in their name is fair game, and KC he has a good band. Yesterday I sang this because we have boogies all over this house right now, and if you can't have fun with that, well you will get grossed out and gag like Sue.
7.'T-Shirt Weather' -The Lucksmiths
This song makes you want to get on a beach cruiser and weave back and forth on the road with your sunglasses on. Ok, maybe not. But I love t-shirt weather. I think its grand that someone made a song about it. It makes no sense, other then the fact that they are happy it is finally warm out.
8. 'You are my Sunshine.' -Elizabeth Mitchell
This song is depressing when you really think about it? Why do we teach it to our children? I think of the movie 'Beaches,' when I hear it. Me and my friends used to watch it in Jr. High to make ourselves cry. We were dumb. Regardless, my kids are my sunshine...and they do make me happy when skies are gray, but I do hope that someday they get how much I love them.
9.'You are the Sunshine of My Life' -Stevie Wonder
What is a day without Stevie Wonder? I love his tunes. He mentioned the word sunshine and so of course I had to mention it. Oh and of course because Andy is the Sunshine of My Life...cheese, but I do like dancing in the kitchen to it with him while I sing off key.
Day one we were 50/50. But I learned on this day that Ethan cannot have anything on down there. There can be no sensation of something covering the little wee wee. This reminds him of a diaper, apparently, and he just feels free to go. So Toy Story pack of undies, yeah we went through them in about 2 hours.
Also it turns out that there needs to be some tucking and direction involved. I also learned this the hard way. Standing in front of him coaching him on, yeah not so much. I think I went through 4 shirts on the first day. Apparently the force the urine produces is similar to a super soaker, who knew?
So with that day coming to a close, we have the sensation issue nipped in the bud, as well the tuck and point down. Ethan will go bottomless for a bit, and I will stay out of the way once I am certain he has gotten it all squared away.
Day 2 we head to Walmart in search of a potty with some sort of deflector. Because apparently little boys training have no idea when they are done and they will say they are done and open to release the tuck, soaking anything in the way. We come home with a Lightening McQueen cushioned potty chair that sits on the big potty with a deflector. This is solving two problems because now he will not have the red rings on this rear end from sitting on a plastic chair, and he will also not be concerned about falling into the bigger toilet and can focus on the task at hand.
On this day we are doing well. But then I start to think that this once Super Pooper, with an average of 3 times a day, has not relieved himself in two. Problem. So during nap, we strap on the diaper, because I am not about to clean sheets, air out mattresses, so on and so forth. I am not ready for that stage yet. When he wakes up from nap I give him some privacy, watch him sneak into his room to find a dark corner. I ask him if he has to go poopy and that we could try the potty and get a big prize, he turns down the offer. But he pooped. He was upset about it, but I am certain his belly felt better. When it comes to the beginning stages of potty training, I am all about getting the pee under control first. Everyone has their own style. But I am not about to use a suppository, enema, prune juice, stool softener, etc... because the child has not gone in a week. This experience would horrify the child and I have set myself back about a year in the toileting process. Pooping is apparently a control issue with my children, and on day 2 of training, they aren't going to give it up to me. 'You can make me pee lady, and I will take the peanut butter cup, but if you think I am dropping the deuce for you this easily, you have got another thing coming to you.'
Day 3. I am at work all day. Andy promptly puts on the undies. He learned the sensation lesson real quick. I tell Andy he is going to have to poop and it is going to be a project, give him his space, an opportunity to drop his kids of at the pool. 10 minutes later, phone call, 'he pooped in his pants, and I am mad.' Now I do not have the patience of a saint. But when it comes to potty training, I sympathize for some reason. I do not remember myself being potty trained, but perhaps my subconscious does, and it must have taken me some time. So I am all about going up the potty training mountain with an easy does it mentality. You push, we fall, and we have to start all over again. Andy is the, 'now we decided we are going to use the potty, so use it,' type of person. Perhaps that is why I am a push over and he is not. But you know, we give and take here. I will get it, some day. But probably not with potty training. But as the day went on, there was progress.
I also worked Sunday evening, and the boys must have spent some time together going over the basics. Like a little class, 'Peeing with a Penis 101.' For when we went to attempt the potty that morning, Ethan and I, he promptly corrected me. 'Mommy don't touch, I point it down with my fingers like Daddy does, see!?!?' When he was done, he then says to me, 'and then I shake it.' This was similar to a hose that was just on being shook, but I got the idea. This was man's work, I just watch in the wings in case I am needed, and hand over the candy.
We talked a bit yesterday about pooping and how Kendall got a big prize for going poopy on the potty lots of times. Kendall was involved in the pep talk, 'yeah E, I picked out the Mulan movie, Molly and Brynnie got me the Mulan doll, we got lots of candy.' I said 'yes, now see you can pick out a big prize for your box too. ' I asked him what he would want, he said, 'me not sure.' Kendall not missing a beat says, 'well E, how about like RC, or a movie, or something, or like a trip to Disney World.' Whoa, hold your horses sister. We are talking pooping on the potty, not scoring a 1600 on the SATS at age 3. I quickly tell her that she needs to stick with the RC, and movie suggestions.
Today Ethan has gone pee on the potty at least 15 times. No joke. This kid now has some control over his bladder and knows that if he doesn't release all of it each time, he will need to go again in 5 minutes, thus getting another trip to the candy jar. Tomorrow the undies are going on, with the, 'you keep these dry, each time you go to the potty you get a piece of candy,' speech. We need to up the ante a bit.
Now pooping. We work at it. We try to explain to push like you need to fart. Yes, this is graphic, yes, I did just say that, I also did say, 'Peeing with a Penis 101.' So you will just need to move on.
There has been evidence he is trying. These are from the iphone last night, when I, at work again, was not around. Andy was tutoring him through the class, 'The Basics of Pooping of the Potty 101.' He told him to push like he had to fart, as previously mentioned by the professor, there was no pooping taking place, but clear effort was presented by the student. The concentration was there, obviously, but the student is still holding back. So right now in this class he is holding at a B-. It was going to be a C+, but the biting of the lip brought him up 2 points.
'But pleasures are like poppies spread: You seize the flower,--its bloom is shed.'
~John Bunyan, Pilgrim's Progress pt. II
My dear son. He has a problem.
To my husband it's quite serious. Especially with an impending birth on the horizon. The tug on his wallet is pretty strong. Because lets face it, kids aren't cheap. I mean their expenses effect things you wouldn't necessarily even think about when you plan on having them. Like I don't know, a new DVD player, since someone decided to jam a few into the player at one time because he thought that would be fun to watch a few movies. Also, your water bill. My children like to brush their teeth with the water running, just like we do, and I will be honest, sometimes when they are doing this, I like to throw on some wash, or make some beds, or both, and then I realize, whoops, it's been awhile in there with the teeth brushing and water running. 'Honey, I couldn't imagine why the cost keeps going up, what can I say, water is expensive I guess!?!?!'
So back to Ethan's problem. He hates being potty trained. Andy's problem, he does not want to buy both sons diapers. If you asked Ethan he would say, 'It's ok, I go in my diaper.' He is a typical male when it comes to this since I am certain that when a great game is on tv, and it is so tight, if you were to get up you would miss a life changing play, but you have to pee so bad it hurts, when presented with the option of a diaper, many men would say, 'ok.' They of course would never admit to this as grown men, but that is where the toddler boy and their uncensored honesty comes in. When it comes down to leaving a great activity like trains to go potty or go in your diaper, well they are going to say, 'It's ok, I go in my diaper.'
With Kendall it was cool to go on the potty, something different to do, and if you were going to give her prizes for it, well then she would pee all day long. Pooping was the issue, definitely, until we figured her game out. With Ethan, he could frankly care less if it is cool, the big boy thing to do, if all his friends are doing it, or if you dangled candy in front of his face. I sit him on the little potty sometimes for so long he has a red ring encircling his cheeks and upper legs, and he didn't go. When I put the diaper on for a nap or a movie, it is wet within 10 seconds. This is laziness and stubbornness. 'I told you lady that I want to go in my diaper, I don't know why you don't listen!!'
Andy tends to lean towards discipline for not accomplishing this task that is necessary for life. I am the briber, and he has conceded for the time being. Since Ethan has never gone on the potty, not once, how can I truly know for sure he gets this concept? It's puzzling, and can keep you up at night. I know he knows what the potty is for, I am not that dumb, but I know for certain that he doesn't have that, 'I have to go pee, I need to find a toilet,' idea down. To him, it is a nice concept, and makes a lot of sense, but he doesn't have the time to be bothered with it. And this is where I come into play. He is not Kendall. He is not going to come up to me and say, 'Mommy I want to go pee pee on the potty today,' and I am going to slap on a pair of underwear, never look back, and call it potty training. With Ethan, he embodies every sense of the word, 'train,' and that word implies, work, and guess who gets to do it with him.? That's right, his 8 month pregnant Mother. Sounds challenging? Like a lot of fun? Absolutely not.
As you have read with Kendall, I wrapped a large empty diaper box and put it on top of the fridge because she had some issues with poo. I enticed her even more by wrapping this giant thing, which she thought was stuffed with everything a girl could dream of, with princess paper. I posted a chart, told her you poop 5 times you get everything that is in this box, and the rest is body functioning history.
With Ethan, I could wrap a box the size of the Taj Mahal and he could care less. So we have decided to purchase a coveted item, not wrap it, and sit it on top of the fridge to taunt him all day long, and to make mention of it whenever it is in our line of sight. Andy wanted to also let Kendall play with this item since she goes on the potty. I think that is just torture. This may be my italian mother protection over my boy, but I think this is his to earn, key word being, his. So again, Andy I am certain, humoring me, has conceded. Lord thank you for giving me a man who will concede at times I need him to, so he can later laugh at me.
Here is the bigger question...where is my big wrapped box filled with treasures as an incentive to potty train the untrainable beast?
So today is has started, well sort of started. He knows tonight Daddy is taking him to the store tonight to get his coveted item for being potty trained. When he gets home he will have a chart on the cabinet in the same place his sister did. If he fills those boxes, I think there will be seven of them, he gets the prize. I am toying with the idea of the boxes to be checked off being 7 days, not just seven times.The fun part will be getting the toy home and taking it out of the bag, and putting it on the fridge. This kid is going to flip a lid and throw the biggest tsunami of tantrums you have ever witnessed. Because I don't think he really gets it. I think I am going to get it on film for you.
He is already pissed at me because I won't give him a starburst until he goes on the potty. He threw a tantrum, which I promptly ignored and let him have, since it is tough to lose privileges to a favorite candy. I typically give them to him when he helps me clean or something, not today pal. This is a new day. We are going to have to pick up something else for being a big helper, like gum or something. The kid loves gum. At least five times a week there is a pink wad in his diaper for me. Thus again proving gum does not stay in your stomach for 7 years, he is only 2, and poops it out on the regular.
All this bribing you say? Hey, this is my house, I don't get on you for not sanitizing your door knobs once a week, get off my back.
But what I love about potty training a boy, since there is actually something, is little boy underwear. Why are they so cute in them? I am not a fan of the tighty whities on grown men, and if Andy wore them, I would just bust out laughing and take a picture so I could laugh all day. I don't know why I think they are funny, some men wear them, prefer them, and that's ok, but I still think they are pretty funny looking. Why do they cut so low on the leg? Must have something to do with chaffing prevention, I don't know. But who am I? Wear any kind of undies you want. Ethan prefers Toy Story undies, and he just looked so cute and proud.
He has been on the toilet every 15 minutes this morning, with questions in between. I had just finished cleaning the breakfast dishes and when I turn around Ethan is there, 'Mommy, I can have a Starburst, I pee peed.' There is a puddle on the floor to prove it and Woody, the movie character, is all wet.
We are off to a smashing start.
There better be a box with my name on it, there just better be.