'Let your past make you better, not bitter'

I will confess, I have been a quote whore lately.

Written words speak volumes to me.You want me to hear something louder then I ever have, write it down for me.

So much clarity and thought comes from something written.

While going through things that have been so very painful, I have found so much strength in quotes.
Some I have read and I am like, 'that's it!!!' They have been the words I wish to say to express myself but haven't been able to find them. They have been my motivation in times where I have felt like crawling back into bed pretending that I actually don't have real responsibilities. They have made me cry. They have made me laugh. They have made me think.

They have given me justification over issues that I have really struggled with. They have allowed me to feel validation that my pain is real and that the things I say and feel are actually not complete nonsense.They have given me reason when I have reached top frustration level. They have encouraged me. They have so put me in my place and have had me really wrestle with my current mind set and how it should really be or I should really act.

They have made me feel not so alone in my struggles. It is comforting to realize when reading one that the person being quoted experienced something that left them with these words.Their pain that was real and significant is now helping me. It is with that motivation that I sometimes write. I find it incredibly healing to verbalize what is on my heart, my soul, and on the tip of my tongue through writing. I feel at times that it is much clearer then if I were to leak my verbal diarrhea through my mouth. I have been called out on this a lot and have chosen to be very careful with my words for the most part.

 It is true, I am my grandmothers granddaughter, so there are times that there isn't much left unsaid. Perhaps just the audience has changed. The list is very small as to whom I let me guard down around and can be the completely uncensored me with them. I am completely ok with this. Feeling judged and unworthy is a miserable feeling. Getting a redo, or a chance at a completely personal renovation has left me choosing wisely. I don't want to come across really self righteous when I share that. It's just I have been kicked in the vag so many times now that a girl builds some boundaries.

I have also found a lot of these things in not just quotes but lyrics too. Songs that people wrote while experiencing life and all its up and downs. I have always been this way with music. I have passed on songs to people to better express where I am and how I feel. This has also had me struggle  tremendously as well, because people keep on playing music, even in the grocery store, cause when reaching for a box of angel hair pasta a certain song on the overhead can bring me to tears...again....awkward crying moment.

So much clarity and thought comes from something written.

So I have found myself grateful for the quotes, words of inspiration, and songs  passed onto my by friends and family and those I have stumbled upon myself. I am one of those girls that posts these reminders all over the place. It can never ever hurt to be reminded of where you came from, what you choose to inspire you, what you wish you had the balls, or um, tough enough vag, to say, and what your motivation should be. My house has now become a museum of my scars and my heart in progress.

And who knows maybe someday someone will quote me and I should hope it's not anything spoken in a moment of lesser sanity...but I have a feeling the children are taking mental notes. That's not very nice.

1 comment:

  1. i too am a quote whore :) love this post...especially the frank ocean quote haha...never heard that one before. thx for sharing!