You know someone could have warned me. Someone could have said, 'yeah you think you're busy now, wait until one of them starts school.' Because I tell you, week one down of just preschool and we ran like ravaged beasts.If Kendall heard me call it 'just' preschool she would have a cow right in front of me, but I say it because we haven't even entered into the full realm of my children's education and I am spinning.
My morning begins with the slamming down of the toilet seat. My darling boy taking his first leak of the day is my shot gun sound to start the race, and it is non stop from this point on. I am not a morning person, which you may have gathered. And so as a result, I enjoy a leisurely prelude into the day. A nice snuggle on the bed watching the morning news and toons, while sipping on coffee. I know, right? It sounds just splendid. I have now embarked on a journey that will take 20 plus years until it is complete. Of course you get the summers off, but something tells me that once you are on a schedule, you are on a schedule. And it is go time, giddy up, and buckle up Mama.
I race up and down and everywhere to get them ready. Because monkey see, monkey do. I cannot for the life of me explain to Ethan that we are simply dropping the student at school and coming right back home. He can stay in his jammies, he can wait to eat a nice breakfast until we get back. We will be returning within 15 minutes. Nope, no way, not gonna fly for E. So as I toss an outfit to the student arguing with her that she can choose to wear whatever she wants to wear on the other 4 days of the week, I choose what she wears to school, I am changing a baby, and digging for the 'right,' undies that Ethan wants to wear on that particular day. This kid has an agenda, and if he plans to wear Buzz Light Year on his butt that day, well than that is how it is going to be. I mean there are battles that I choose to take on, but when you are trying to get 3 ready in a set amount of time, he gets to leave his streaks on Buzz.
I then get to try and find the student's brush which is left somewhere with some pile of Barbies, while holding a bottle to the mouth and dumping cereal in a bowl as I fly past. I then beg of the student to stay clean as she shovels in the cereal dripping milk all along the way. We then get the backpack, hope that the lip gloss is in its rightful spot, because god forbid we go to school without the right accessories to reapply with. And the onslaught of just what shoes to wear begins. The ones that were fine yesterday pinch her pinky toe, and the ones that match her outfit make her feet slippery with sweat, and you just can't run properly and fast with sweaty feet. The ones that she wore all summer just don't feel right, and the ones she wants to wear resemble banana peels with high heels attached, and that is just not how we roll, much thanks to Molly and Brynn.
And out the door. Putting baby in car seat while attempting to scold Stanley who is desperately trying to escape to go with us. And he has. And by the grace of God he runs into the van and not up the street to visit his friends and pee on their bushes. Then the argument of who is sitting where. Really? But you know you remember doing this. I used to always want the middle seat in the backseat and would inflict bodily harm if someone threatened to whine to our mom about how they never got to sit there.
And the marathon is still going. Because upon our arrival Ethan is grabbing at anything his grubby little hands can get a hold of on the way out of the van and asking, 'Mommy, I bring this with me?' I swear he thinks that the van is gonna blow sometime after we exit it, and he needs to take things he just might miss. Presently it is a catalog with Halloween costumes in it. I don't know. I can't explain how his mind works. Just smile and nod when what you really want to do is raise an eyebrow at his strange ways. Tick Tick Tick goes the clock. And Kendall is stuck behind him in the van screaming to get out. Hair.Flying.Everywhere. So now we get to redo the hair.
At this point I just want to scream, 'A Drop Off Lane would be a real novel idea!!!' Because every mom that drops of their child there has more then just this child and we all parade in and out; strollers, carriers, screaming toddlers, so on and so forth. It's a production that could be resolved in 2 seconds.
So I literally blink and it is time to pick her up. And I am moving Hector the Collector along. I have to make sure Jake is fed, changed, etc, and again wrestle Stanley all to be there on time. Because I won't be that Mom. I won't be the Mom who is late and picks up their lonesome child who is just standing there grief stricken with their teacher. Nothing against that Mom, it is going to happen at some point this year, but just not in the beginning when you are one of the new students and families at this preschool. Probably not kosher.
So you race in all the while E complaining his legs hurt and he just can't walk another step. Again...drop off/pick up lane. I'm just saying. So you try and hold it together because you are in public, but what you really want to say or I don't know, perhaps shout is, 'Ethan, if you don't move it, the pain in those legs is gonna be nothin' in comparison to what your fanny is going to experience!'
And there she is! The student!
On the first day Andy and I could not wait to hear what she had to say about it, however, the student typically has her own agenda, and on this day she proclaims once we are in the van, 'Please don't ask me lots of questions Mommy about school.' Who made this child? But once the monster was fed she 'shared' her school experience with her brother and I, secondhand I suppose, oh and her Daddy who was on speaker phone and she didn't know.
Apparently she was the counter for the day and there is 17, 30 kids in her class. I am going to go with the first number. And she is the newest one in the class. There is also a girl named Jasmine in her class and she wished that was her name. They forgot to feed the gerbils, and they had goldfish for snack again.
That night we had the Back to School Feast. The student ordered tacos for the menu, and we just celebrated the ensuing chaos in my life and to future college tuition. I asked the student to list three things for me she wanted to learn this year at school, and on the last day, we will read it to see if it was accomplished.
1. Be a better painter
2. How to do tattoos on my hand
3. Write my name
I don't know. It's interesting, right? At least she has some priorities?
Back to School Feast Set Up, Pre Taco Explosion
On the night before the second day of school we get home a little later then bedtime and the student was tired so she was all emotional. And as Andy is putting her to bed, he says, 'Kendall, if you cannot get yourself together and asleep, you will either not be able to go to school the next day, or not stay out late for birthday parties.' And she replies in what will surely be an Oscar winning performance, sobbing, mind you, 'What's the use in going to school? They don't even teach me how to read!!!!' Apparently someone has set the bar a little to high for preschool.