So this past weekend we roll over one day to our neighbor Joe and Danielle's home to say hello while Ethan is napping. They are just getting ready to clean their carpets. Trumpets sounding in my head, hallelujah chorus'. When Andy sees this, he is going to want me to clean the carpets.
My neighbor and friend Danielle and I are so much alike when it comes to cleaning things and seeing; a. what you can get up and b.what it looks like when you are through. So things like Dyson vacuums and carpet cleaners are right up our alley. I don't know, it's that domestic thing they put in our brains. To be able to empty out the Dyson canister and say, 'that is awesome, did you see all the hair it got up, gross,'
We watched Danielle's husband Joe become borderline obsessive compulsive and possessive about the cleaner. It was a carpet cleaner from their family, and it just wasn't doing the trick. Do you know how hard it is to get stains from children out? You have no idea the mess sippy cups, juice boxes, and little feet make, if you don't have them. Let alone my husband who could not remove his shoes when coming in the door if his life depended on it. Sometimes when he comes in the door with his golfing shoes on after a day of rain, I just sit and stare at him in disbelief as he makes his way to the carpet. Thoughts that run through my mind are, 'really, your mind really works like that? So Joe was practically lying on top of the thing to get it to suck up the dirt, and here is my husband crouching down, pointing at the trouble spots. What a team. Danielle kept saying, 'Joe, I want to do it.' And he kept looking at her like she had five heads. He was going to get this carpet clean and be victorious, Danielle was not going to take the credit. Yet at the speed he was going, his back would be out, and he would still be cleaning their floors today, 5 days later.
Finally the question comes out of his mouth, 'how much does it cost to rent one of those cleaners? ' HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH!' Joe just says, I don't know, like 30, 40 bucks, want to split it? And next thing I know they are out the door. I have only been telling Andy that we need to rent one for 6 years or so. But sometimes ladies, we just have to let them think, it was all their idea and just rub their backs when they are done. This really helps, trust me. Avoid the, 'I know it was my idea all along, I have only been telling you this for 10 years,' line and therefore argument. It's a man thing, it strokes their ego a bit, helps them feel like they are providing, and making their woman happy.
It is only twenty four hour rental, I politely remind him that I have to work that day and tomorrow, and so he would have to do a lot of it, but to leave me some. I mean one foul step, those stains stay on the carpet, the bane of my existence. He then replies, 'oh I know babe, just get up early tomorrow, get the carpets done, and then take it back before one.' Oh is that all? I don't even get into it. Again, ladies, you know you are a super woman, you don't have to get all snippy toward the man, they can't help but spew out evidence as proof. In your heart of hearts you know you can get this done. I know it's just the principal, but they will never get it, and that is ok, we will never get their anticipation surrounding just sitting and watching football games for 8 hours straight.
So I am at work, he calls I don't know, two hours into my shift. 'Hey babe, I am cleaning the carpets. He then begins to tell me about how they are looking, what he has gotten done, and then goes on to say, 'this is impossible to do with the kids by the way, all they want to do is run around.' Again, it just comes out of their mouths over and over again so simply, pure evidence that we, us mothers, housewives, are in fact super heroes.
We women, we have super human powers, that enable us to push children out of our vag's, do piles of laundry, work competently outside of the home, make a roast beef dinner for six, change diapers, clean carpets, know the schedule of each family member two months in advance, keep our man and children happy, all at the same time; tucking them all into bed every night, so you have time and are finishing the Twilight series in two week time frame. It's serious business people. You don't just have to have children to possess these powers, it comes with the ring ladies, once the kids come though, there is more powers, they are hard to contain. Go ahead try it, when you are frustrated and determined enough, you too can carry two 35 pound children, a vacuum, sippy cups, and a snack up the stairs all at one time for time out, all while going off about their unacceptable behavior without being winded when reaching the top.
But see, the things we get to use to get things done can sometimes become appealing to the man after you have been working for years to brain wash him into thinking that doing the dishes and taking out the trash are all fun things to do. Take for instance a swiffer, making brownies, a carpet cleaner. I start with the most fun items and will work my way down to eventually cleaning the toilets. Andy will never admit it but once in awhile, he secretly enjoys a housewife task.
For instance, the next morning of the 24 hour period. I am in bed. Ah, sleep, sleep, I love you sleep. Bed, my comfy bed, you are the greatest thing on earth. All of a sudden I hear heavy metal music. My eye pops open. I scan the room. Nothing. For a minute I think I have a radio alarm clock again, and I am in high school. I grouchily cry out, 'What is it, turn it off, what time is it?!?!' A voice replies, 'It's just before 7,' the voice is cheery. It is my husband, the sound is coming from his iphone. He is listening to his morning show, Preston & Steve. He then says, 'don't you want to get up, we have carpets to clean.' Housewife task that is fun. I didn't put up with months of a dirty carpet to give up this victory. So somehow we all get up. I begin my super powers, I am making breakfast, moving furniture, pointing out stain spots, providing water for the cleaner, helping the children water color, and brushing my teeth, again, all at the same time. You know, all in a days, all in a days. Andy, well he is pushing around the cleaner.
By no means do I expect him to do more then that. This, this is enough. I have clean carpets to prove it and I got to see the dirty water and claim its complete disgustingness before he dumped it. All I ever wanted. I also got to giggle while he enjoyed a housewife task, and know that next time the carpets need to be cleaned, he is on board. Thank you my love. Now take off your shoes when you come in the front door tonight.