In preparation for our weekend away I really coached Kendall and Ethan. I wanted them to fully get that I was going away with Daddy, and that unless they ended up in the emergency room, we weren't coming home until Sunday. I would remind them on walks, we get a lot of talking done on walks, I would say remember you are going to sleep at Mom Mom and Pop Pop's for two nights. Ethan would then in typical fashion ask, 'Why?' Kendall would then reply, 'Because Mommy has been married to Daddy for a really long time.' 'Oh.'
Yup. That's right, we ladies, we deserve something for being married for a really long time, and don't let them forget it. It's definitely not wrong that my daughter thinks this. Set the bar high is what I say, and don't do their laundry for them until you are married to them, and even then, teach them how to sort and turn the thing on. And I think it's important for Ethan to know: you take that wife of yours away, you give her the moon, she is going to birth your children and wash your streaked up boxer briefs. Not that I know anything about that previously mentioned item.
My dear husband, he took me away to the mountains for some time away. People actually asked me what my name was. You know when you are out and about with your children, people will ask, 'oh what's your name little girl?' Once you have children there is no association with you. Not that I would enjoy people asking my name every time I was in Target, 'Oh what's your name lady?' I am just saying that you simply become your child's entourage. Forget the fact that you wipe their butts and taught them how to speak, you are now second fiddle. So when people actually associated with me without my two shining starts to initiate the conversation, I really didn't know what to say. Me? Who will talk about anything and everything? Yeah, well it just so happens that besides swapping child rearing secrets, I got nothing to offer to adult conversation. It was like learning how to ride a bike all over again, but I am proud to say that by Saturday the training wheels were taken off. Ok, ok, so I had some strawberry margaritas, and maybe a sangria or two.
When we got there on Friday night after a brief detour because someone forgot his wallet at home. I mean it couldn't have been Andy because he always remembers everything, and I am the one with the dementia. And like a good little soldier, I kept my mouth shut, until we got home and the front door was wide open. Apparently forgetting your wallet and to shut and lock the front door go hand in hand. Who knew? Dinner was being served until 8 p.m., at this point on our second departure to go 90 minutes tops, Andy was all aggravated. I said to him, we will have plenty of time to eat, I mean how long do you really need to eat, he replied, 2 hours, I am going to eat and eat, and he promptly hit the steering wheel. Seriously folks, we were done in 30 minutes after one plateful. I am not going to say it, not going to, I just won't even tell you that I am always right.
After dinner we went to check out our room which had a pool in it. No, nothing Olympic size, but let me just tell you that it was big enough and deep enough for Andy to do a cannon ball into. Unfortunately no photo was taken of this. I didn't think you would want to see a bare butt in cannon ball pose anyway. I mean I am sure there can be a reenactment for you upon request. And you will be happy to know, in case you were wondering, no, nothing was injured, and we can only hope he can still produce his end of the deal in baby making. But there was water splashed all over the place and a slight typhoon hit all over the edges of the pool.
Saturday morning we went golfing on the little 9 hole course they have there. Andy had already put in 9 holes before I got up because like any mother on vacation our top priority is sleeping in. Andy was up for his morning swim and out the door before I even got one eye open. He then attempted to teach me to golf. This is his extent of teaching me: Hole One. This is how you stand, this is the way your body should turn, don't take your eye off the ball. One hit. Oh, excuse me, I got to put it once too, I think on like hole 8. Not that I have some burning desire to play golf. He tried. Andy is one of those who will never ever be able to coach any of Kendall's teams. Every last girl will go home in tears vowing to never play again, Andy will call the team hopeless, Kendall will be dubbed the girl with the ball hogging father, and this was just the 5 year old team. So I acted as caddy, simply just told him, 'use the driver, and aim that way.' I think we have a future in the PGA Championships. I at one point asked him how he knew to use a certain club, and his reply was, 'because I am that good.' Have I ever told you my husband is slightly cocky when it comes to athletics? It must have slipped my mind.
Later we played some games, indulged in gluttonous behavior with a 5 course steak dinner, went back and hung out in our room so Andy could try out some new daring jumps into the pool, and soaked in the hot tub. Do I even have children, what are their names again? That night we went again to listen to a band, and I may or may not have been seen on the dance floor with the band's tambourine shaking it to the beat. It's debatable. I will deny everything. We then watched a stand up comedian. Why are they called Stand Up Comedians? Are there Sit Down Comedians? Are they more funny?
Yesterday we slept in. Hard. I slept in on a Hugh Hefner inspired bed and probably slept as soundly as he does each night. There is something about round beds. I don't know it could have also been the fact that I had 10 down pillows to get lost in, and again, those margaritas. Why are they so good? We then had breakfast and it was my turn to pick the activities. We went on a bike ride, went pedal boating on the lake, and then went miniature golfing, much more my speed. I then was ready to go. I missed them. I missed my babies. I wanted to squeeze their cheeks, hug them tight, have them make
requests, demands of me.
Today we are back to reality. Wake Up Call #1: 6 a.m. to get Andy off to work, because, I do that. Wake Up Call #2: 8:30 a.m. I attempted to stay awake to see the announcement of the new Dancing with the Stars cast, but the first cup of coffee failed to do its job. I also get to go to work at 3 today. Awesome. We are watching Yo Gabba Gabba, Ethan in a giraffe costume and Kendall is of course a princess. I have broken up 3 fights, cleaned up cold scrambled eggs off the floor, and changed a poopy diaper.
There is something to be said about weekends away. It's refreshing. Like water after you have been out in the hot sun. Or like a strawberry margarita when you haven't had one in years. Sugar, not salt on the rim. Did I tell you I enjoyed my margaritas?
There is also something more to be said about home, and not getting asked what my name is, because after all, once they arrive, you really are chopped liver, and I love every bit of it.