I'm in Love...

There are times when I have thought, am I ok with only creating 3 children? There are times when I have thought, was creating 3 children a bit too much? Cause you know babies? Yeah, they grow up. And then they start talking and realizing, hey wait a second this voice I have can actually say anything it wants like, 'No!,' or 'You're the meanest mom in the whole world, like the whole world, not even just America.' So much for being narrow minded.

I tell you what. It's hard to raise these things. It's a lot of pressure to know that you are going to send real human beings out into the world and they have to in fact perform and it's all on your shoulders. What are the important things they need to take with them? What are the big things, and what are the little?

I thought I was pretty good with animals, you know proud that I have raised a small farm of potty trained, well behaved animals.So kids you know, show them the way and they will be functioning. Some nights I lie in bed with all their responsibility weighing me down....all expectation on me to have them remain normal. Now my cat is taking craps on pillows on the kids beds. I can't be sure, but I think the universe is trying to send me a message.

Being a mom is no joke. I fail on a daily basis. They will look me in the eye after I have requested something of them. I can see it there, in those eyes, the battle within them to choose to do what they want or what I have asked of them, and it's all, 'Here it is Melissa, here is what is going to prove if you are winning.'

There are days I feel as though I can write a book on what not to do. And in those days you can get real down on yourself and feel like you have failed humanity because you are not raising the next president who is going to make health care more affordable, bring down the national debt, and save social security. This is real extreme because I'm not sure I would want a son as the president, I mean those Kennedy's have been really put through the ringer. However you just desire them to consistently show that you work your ass of for them, and that your life is now taken the back seat if not in the trailer attached to the vehicle.

Are you and they really going to pull through when it really matters?

There are then the days that you are filled with so much pride and joy for them and in them. They are fun. They are sweet. I sit in school conferences and hear just how great they are, mild mannered, and such good friends to everyone. I do indeed  raise an eyebrow and look down to make sure that the teacher does in fact have my child's name on the paper in front of her, but it is in those moments I wipe the sweat from my brow and think, alright, I've got this, for today.

Jake is my baby of the three and occasionally I wonder if he will always be the baby. I mean I am very very certain right now that my hands are completely full. And I do certainly have all those fertility issues that can really put a girl through it. But babies, they are so very sweet. And a big family is incredibly fun, this I know.
 But there are more ways then one to solve this problem, fill the love tank,bring the joy of watching new life come about, and making my family grow.

Meet Henry Walter. 

Photo courtesy of his mother & father

This boy, in all his coos and gas that new babies bring, has us all smitten.
He just makes sense, I love him fiercely. He has added greatly to my healing. I thoroughly enjoy being, and am honored to be, his aunt.

Supporting his mama is second nature. It kicked in from the moment I saw them together, and I love watching her with him and encouraging her as she finds her way through this new role. I find it difficult to explain, but it is almost that she is a little sister no longer. She of course is my sister, duh, but she now has a son, the greatest responsibility she will be given, and it makes everything different, but in an incredibly good way.

And the cousins. Let me tell you. You get a bit nervous. They have been the only littles for quite a few years now. I wondered and was concerned about the transition that would occur in them. Listen, my family is close, we think about things like this, accept it.There have been some major hurdles for my kids lately and so each one is prepped for. I tend to totally over worry, but none the less, I have learned, preparation is essential, for at least, me.

Their aunts are their world.  The sun rises and sets on my sisters bums according to my kids. Then their aunts got married and their uncles seamlessly became part of that world. And just like with the weddings and all that meant, I talked about the coming baby incessantly with them. Kept them up to date as the day grew closer and closer. Kept it exciting and fun. I shared with each of them the special roles they could have in this baby's life. I reminded them as to just how important they would continue to be with everyone and that welcoming the baby into this would be so awesome. In many ways our family is so close that it was reminiscent of welcoming a sibling in some ways. I share this closeness with my cousins too. So we all got how important this change was and is for them too. But irregardless, this child was coming, so come hell or high water, they best have at the very least, sucked it up.

And then he came. And all was right with them. As each of them met him they instantly ate that baby right on up. Small smiles of adoration and pride. He is their little prince. You can see the protection over him from them. You can see the understanding they have grasped surrounding Henry's needs and attention. They have beautifully loved him. They talk about him with everyone who asks. They each have a special story of moments they have already had with Henry. And the kid doesn't keep them up at night. They are reaping all the benefits of a new baby without having to change the poopy diapers unless they want to. Nothing and everything has changed for them, and Henry fit right on in their lives. They eagerly await stories from me about Henry if I have spent time with him without them, and they giggle and smile and share all their thoughts about him all over again.

They have made me so proud. The good always weighs out the bad, as is in almost all circumstances, most specifically when it comes to parenting. Seeing your kids understand and display love and compassion that they have learned and felt themselves, is a great gift. Sure they give me a run for my money some days, but seeing how proudly they love and adore their Henry, fills me. 

Parenting is all sorts of difficult...and my sister is now all over finding that out. But when they demonstrate what really matters, and it isn't a fight over taking out the trash or bedtime, then you kind of feel accomplished, if but just for a minute.

So yeah, I do love me some babies.
And Sir Henry is my baby love right now.
Thanks fir returning the favor and making me an aunt, Meggie.
Let the giving and payback of loud, over sized, and messy toys begin!

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