Hitting the Pavement

Its been a little bit now.
I can safely admit that I am running again.
Running and me have a real love/hate relationship.

For one, it causes my feet to look as though they have been walking through the desert with no protection from the elements and then been gnawed on by an occasional lizard. At some point the nails just come off. Like they are some piece of dried skin, flake right off, its so hot, I know.

On the plus side, the shape my body will eventually, after like 6 years of this, begin to match my chicken legs. For when I don't run and then proceed to get pregnant 6 times and have three children my body takes on the shape of an upside down pear. And some might say, thats awesome, your rack is plentiful. Let me tell you, they aren't all their cracked up to be, in fact I'm not quite sure why people pay for them, but that's for another post. But let me just say, I wear a sports bra as well as my sausage casing so that I don't knock myself out while running. (sausage casing: a sport tank that most women can wear as a sports bra) I literally feel like, well, a sausage, from the waist on up.

The time of day that I do most of my running is going to make me mentally insane. I run at 5:30 a.m. on some days. I know, its like I'm on crack or something. I want to be done well before the kids are up and I prefer to run outside, so this is what I have to do...definitly not what I want to do. I am sure the novelty will wear off at some point.

Once in a great while I run when I get home from work at 11:30 p.m. I'm up, I have a caffeine high from coffee and diet pepsi, I might as well run it off. So if I remember, I change before I get home, jump out of my car, and run. I actually run the longest and the fastest at this time. I run in well lit areas, in  my neighborhood, carry a flash light, and run like the boogie man is fast on my heels. I tell you what. I'm not the only one in my neighborhood running at this time, just last week, I passed two other women running. It's like we come from another planet, us moms. We want to run. Have 3 blood sucking mongrels to take care all day who have made you need to run. So then you have to run at times when it best fits their schedules. Could they be any more selfish?

When I run in the morning, I am at my worst. I mean the things that come out of my mouth when running this early will make you think you were running with a sailor. It's not pretty or something I am proud of, its just I am not a morning person and my body gives me that big f you at about 5:45 a.m. I want to throw myself in front of the trash truck barreling down the road, which by the way, 'SPEED LIMIT IS 25 MPH PAL!!' Ok, so maybe I don't exactly say pal, but this is a mommy blog. But I literally want to die or just puke all over the place. I opt to keep going, for the sake of the selfish children. Because I have to be done my run to take care of them, they don't do this themselves. Honestly?

However, the trudging  on for the sake of the children leads to the one thing I love about running; the end. It is then instant gratification. I term my running style the tortoise and the hare. I will run like it is almost a walk until the very end and then sprint like my rear end is on fire. I then collapse in a heap on my kitchen floor, and then it hits me...I am done. I ran today, and its over, and I don't have to do it for another entire day. My mind really does work like that. It's like entering a circus ring, I'm sure.

When I am not running outside because my body curled up into a fetal position and would not allow my brain to make it run in the morning, or because my feet hurt too bad at night have forbid me to make one more step,  I will run on the tread mill. Some people are like, 'you have a treadmill, its so easy, run inside, whenever you want, turn on the tv.' Blah, Blah, Blah. Here's what. Treadmills are stupid. The pounding, the getting nowhere fast, the noise, the repitition. The television show does not distract you. Its amazing how it will distract you when you are eating a snack and before you know it, the bag is empty. But let me tell you, its not that way on the treadmill. Don't get me wrong, its nice to have a distraction, other then a wall, because mine is in the basement in front of the tv, but its way to easy to just stop. When outside you are running away from home, and eventually, on most days, you want, o.k., need, to get back. So you have to move your body to get there, and if you run, you get there faster. On a treadmill you can be like, forget this, and stop. It requires a lot of discipline to run on a treadmill, none of which I have. Have you met me?

Also, have you tried running on a treadmill with small children around?
'Mommy, can I have a turn now?'
'Mommy, I need a drink right now!'
'Mommy, move your foot a little bit, I am going to send one of my guys down along side of you so he shoots off into the wall.'
'Mommy, can you get me snack?'
'Mommy, can we watch my show?'
'Mommy, please, please, can we play on that like we are food shopping? Here E, you go get all the stuff you want to buy, I will be the money collector, just move a little Mommy.'
And the new fave since we watched Elf.
'Let's play Santas elves, you send a toy down and we can pretend we are making toys, Mommy, just jump over them when Kendall sends down the big ones.'

It's seriously right now only like 45 minutes out of my life daily. But it seriously wants to feel like its 4 hours. But I still do it. Not because I like to wear leggings. Not because Adidas has some really awesome kicks. Ok, maybe just a little bit. But I do it even though I hate it, because I know that I will eventually learn to love it. History repeats itself. And eventually being able to run a marathon sounds pretty awesome.

Philadelphia Marathon 2024? Anybody want to join me?

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