Say Cheese

I'm not going to pretend that I don't have the most wonderful of intentions when I embark on taking group photographs of my children in hopes of portraying their undying love and affection towards each other. I even go as far as color coordinating. Because, I don't know, I enjoy torturing myself sometimes.

Sometimes I even think, I am totally going to make an awesome Christmas Card and its going to color coordinate with their outfits of color coordination and we are going to be so coordinated people are going to crap this coordination. I don't even know where this fantasy comes from. I have never once been successful in all 5 years that there have been more then one of these creatures I call my children.

The oldest finally gets it. You sit still, keep quiet, smile, and its over. And your mother just rants and raves on and on about how cute you, are and what a good girl you are for sitting and posing. Then she gives you the piece of candy you were bribed quicker then your siblings. (this is a must) And then you can go about on your merry filled with sassiness way.

The boys. Its like I am asking them to sit still and smile with love so that I can then begin ripping their limbs from their bodies. I beg, I bribe, with my mother in the back ground, 'you shouldn't have to bribe them to behave.' Oh yeah lady? Its my complete and utter understanding that this is the basis of parenting. You go pee pee on the potty I will give you a pop. If you are a good boy at the food store you can pick out a special snack. If you get all your spelling words correct you can watch a special show tonight. I wish someone would bribe me once in awhile. I would be like grand master over achiever. 'Melissa, if you get this whole entire house clean by the end of the day I will let you run away to a destination of your choosing for the weekend.' This house would be so clean by 4 pm they could eat their hot pockets off the toilet seat.

So clearly, I have amnesia to continually come up with the same dysfunctional idea that I can achieve this goal of portraying sibling love. And in doing so, I attempt a group photo a few times a year. Each time it has the same outcome. This is what happens when you have more then one child, and they are not like lets say 8 years apart. I just feel like I should break the news to you. No matter what, one of them is going to have a meltdown when you pre plan something. I constantly live on that edge of anxiety when attempting anything that involves them acting like human beings. I can be seen eyeing each one of them up and down trying to decipher who holds the ticking time bomb of complete mental and physical breakdown. So when I hone in on my target, I can try and heed he or she off by ever so gently squatting down and whispering in their ear with a sweet little smile on my face, 'listen, I am onto you pal. If you so even  as much as let one little hand make a gesture that doesn't mimic pure angelic behavior, its going down in china town tonight.'

This doesn't always work because, lets face it, I don't even take myself seriously, and we don't live near china town. I will pre advise you, since I do not take my own advice all the time and end up annoyed and disheveled; fly by the seat of your pants as often as possible.

This photo shoot was no exception to my not taking my own advice lifestyle, and so without further ado...the next post will have your Christmas Greetings from us.

The theme was gray and blue. That's as far as we got in the parameters of organization. Because I am an over achiever and it is the child's job to make this utterly impossible.

Oldest child smiling, anticipating the chocolate I hold behind my back. Two year old not having it 
because he cannot have the piece of chocolate pre photo. Middle child not even in frame, just outright not cooperating and does not give two flying poops about chocolate bribe.
Oldest child still smiling, clearly my favorite. Two year old has decided that perhaps he does not want to sit in time out for the rest of his life as threatened. Middle child crawling into frame whining and complaining like I asked him solve the national debt crisis instead of just sitting and smiling for a picture for 5 seconds.

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