'Just like a Circus'

So opening night of the circus just so happened to coincide with someones 7th birthday. Without further ado, we were going. What better way to celebrate a life that is in fact occasionally the epitome of a three ring circus. I do in fact say that with the up most respect to my newly crowned 7 year old.

Every time we talked about the circus I enevitably started singing Britney Spears' 'Circus'. This went on for weeks. It is still stuck in my head. Jake is still yelling, 'Stop singing dat song Ma -yeeee, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!'

My children had never been to the circus.
The middle man is deathly afraid of clowns.
He is deathly afraid of pretty much anything in costume.
Basically a trip to Disney World would require a bottle of xanax, brown paper bags, and those horse eye shields they put on them to keep them focused straight ahead.
Thousands of dollars I didn't have anyway, has been saved thanks to him though.

So I prep him.
'E, we are going to go to the circus for Kendall's Birthday.'
Him: 'Ok, I'm not going, Call Sue to stay with me.'

I prep and I prep and I prep him.
I let him know that we got seats high up, in a suite, with a door, where clowns cannot even get to him. I think he thought it really didn't matter, and clowns are clowns and they will find a way to find him and scare him until he pees his pants. I reminded him it was his sisters birthday and that he really would just love it. I honestly had no idea, but it sounded good.

We arrive at the parking lot, and there is a bunch of PETA crazies standing at the entrance, yelling, pounding on windows of cars. I am all for the protection of animals. I get it. But really? You really need to bang on my windows and yell in an amplifier that I am subjecting my kids to visual torture? Thanks a lot guys. I turn up the volume of the Fresh Beat Band and Kendall wants to know what they are saying and why they are banging on our windows. I simply tell her that they are welcoming us to the circus and that they are so excited we are here, and that the circus is crazy and this is just the beginning. I do something really mature then and flick the lady off that has her face pressed up against my window with her megaphone blasting, 'ITS NOT TOO LATE, TURN BACK NOW!!!!'

So we arrive, E has a death grip on my hand and he is whipping his head in every direction just ready for the clowns that are surely lurking in dark corners and behind pop corn vendors. And then we go up and up the escalator that was the hit of the night for Jake. 'The stairs move me Ma-yee!!!!!!' We get into our suite and once we have all shuffled in, Ethan does a quick head count and slams the door shut. No one is going anywhere, and no clowns are getting in here, so help him.

You know and I am thankful for that suite. I am thankful that Jake can go up the stairs, down the stairs, sit anywhere he wants, sit on the table for crying out loud. I am thankful that at intermission when they play loud music Kendall can sing and dance and pretend she is on stage and everyone around her in their seats has come to see her preform. I am thankful for the bathroom in it. People do some weird stuff in public bathrooms. I am not quite sure how it is quite possible for some people to make such a mess, but these are the many wonders of life I have, and its best this way. I am mostly thankful that it kept Ethan and his family 'safe' from those crazy clowns. Kendall was absolutely livid when she saw the clowns in the seats below teasing circus goers. But when I look at the two, she and her everything in this world theatrics, was a little easier to ignore then her brother who would be wrapped all around me, claws out, like a spider monkey, screaming like a girl who had Freddie Krueger after him.

I will tell you though. Middle man enjoyed the circus the most. Eyes glued to the center floor the entire time. I don't know, then again, maybe he knew the master count of the amount of clowns and was just repeatedly counting them over and over again to make sure there wasn't one loose coming to get him, but I'm pretty sure he might have just plain like the circus like a normal 5 year old.

He did note though that WWE was going to come on his exact birthday and he just needed to be there. I told him to just give me the word and I will pack him a cooler of Natty Ice and Fried Pork Rings, and that the old beat up Chevy would pick him up at 6 that night.

Boys are weird.

The Birthday Girl also enjoyed turning 7. I mean this girl has a birthday every year. I mean she HAS a birthday. It is a week long celebration that somehow has Valentines Day Kendall's Day as well...and then I ask why I wonder why she might be a diva.

She saw the nine year old at the Oscars this weekend and stopped frozen in front of the t.v. and then slowly and quietly asked, 'She is a movie star?'  I told her yes and that she was so good that she  might win an award for the best actress of the year. She took in and let out a slow calculated breath, turned to me and said, 'I can't wait.' I told her not to worry, I totally called this from the moment she figured out she was a human being.

And without further ado...my people watcher thoughts as I watched the circus. Detailed answers would be of most assistance.

- When the circus isn't travelling where do the elephants and tigers go?
- Do the performers have a home? How much time do they get off per year?
- Where are these people working out to maintain being able to hang upside down holding a rope with a man attached to it while traveling?
- So people actually travel with the circus and their job is to scoop up poop?
- Is there inter relationships going on here? Is the trapeze couple married?
- Do they all travel by bus from city to city?
- Are these the people that are good enough at gymnastics but not good enough for the Olympics?
- Who exactly choreographs these dances? Are the men aware that some of the dances have me a little embarrassed for them?
-What do they do for a living when they are done with the circus?
- So if the elephant poops right where you are supposed to stand to dance, are you required to dance in it? Like the show must go on policy?
- What are they doing now that the show is over?
- Does the circus provide health and dental insurance? A 401K?
- Those elephants do look sad, what if one of them just lost it and charged the audience? Has that ever happened?
- The tiger tamer, he certainly must think he is the coolest thing at the circus talking to them in Russian or something. Those tigers look seriously pissed with him. Are they always in those boxes when they aren't preforming? Should I go and talk to the PETA people on my way out?

1 comment:

  1. Have you read "Water for Elephants"? Lots of answers to your questions in it. And more...