Boy Toys

And now there's Legos.
Let me tell you something. Boys have very extravagant toys. I often times feel bad for my girl because the playroom looks like I have been in the boy aisle of a toy store, dumped it all into a pick up, opened the roof of my home, tossed it all in.

It can't just be a hot wheel car.
It's tracks of hot wheel cars that attach to walls and race across tons of square footage.
It's not just a super hero. It's their caves, castles, cars, and weapons.

I realize that there is plenty for a person to get their female child. However, I have taken some time to watch the girls play. You give them a way to play music and they and their girly friend are CeCe and Rocky, simply creating a stage on the living room floor. My boys and their pals are downstairs constructing an obstacle course out of blocks, tossing many of the two thousand bouncy balls they have at each other, while donning super hero costumes and subsequent super hero gear.

This simply just fascinates me because we, the girls, are considered high maintenance. PUHlease.

So in the past year my middle man has started collecting some Legos.

Let me just deal you something real quick about Legos.

I hate them.

It's a real crying shame, because that boy of mine, he loves them. So now see, I have to tolerate them. The middle boy has a slight setback with some fine motor skills and these Legos provide him with mad strengthening in this area. Attempting to fit the tiniest of plastic pieces into the tiniest of holes on another piece is really just the practice he needs. So now you see, since they help my child, I have to allow them into my home. Guilt is just a crazy thing.

Have you ever attempted to put an entire Lego set together? Dude, this requires like hours of commitment. You have got to be kidding me. And one false snap early on, at the end of the piece you are about to sky rocket earth because something isn't right. Apparently, you are missing the final piece, and this is because the piece earlier on, although similar to the piece that was actually needed, was not the piece necessary, and now you have to figure out how to get the piece and replace it with the right piece while dismantling as little as possible.

This is just unbelievably irritating to me. So add that with the issue of trying to keep it together for the six year old so that he doesn't think this isn't fun for you, well you are just about close to a nervous breakdown over pieces of plastic. I kid you not.

Who the hell thought this might be fun?

Here is my most favorite part of Legos. You are finally finished you pick it up to move it to higher ground so that a certain two year can not deconstruct it, and something snaps and its all messed up. After hours, this thing has snapped apart. Not completely, just a side piece, but it's a half hour investment of your time at the very least. You might think, oh just snap it back together. It's never that simple. See how they snap apart when breaking is so random its unbelievable. For those that aren't familiar with them, Legos are constructed in order. One piece built upon another until you have your masterpiece. The pieces are placed and snapped together so intricately that sometimes I am like, was this piece even necessary? We couldn't have done this easier? You are give a helpful little pamphlet. It's almost like Ikea furniture, but really, it's actually more difficult. Apparently the Swedes did not have a meeting with the creative team at Lego Headquarters. I will tell you that every time I go to move a Lego to it's resting place something causes carnage to the piece. And here I am sitting at the kitchen table while the child has moved on to the next activity piecing together a Lego like I love them or something.

And can someone tell me what is up with the price of Legos? Is there a specific reason as to why the Lego Mine is over one hundred dollars? People this is plastic. I think I have it figured out. It is the adults who still collect and assemble Legos themselves that have jacked up these prices. The Star Wars Lego Theme, more specifically? Forget about it. Some of them are even deemed as 'rare.' Rare? A plastic block? Please stop collecting Legos once over the age of 18, it is just not fair to the boy who has to save his allowance for six years just to purchase the Star Fighter Jet.

I don't know why people think that a child can actually play with Legos once built. This is very confusing to my son as well as me. So you receive this Spiderman Battle Mutant Galactic Supersonic Cave thing with figurines, you put it together, and then you try to play with it. Forget it. Something has snapped off, come unattached, broken off, and impossible to put back on without something else snapping off. It's a chain reaction like dominoes. You see, Legos are simply just for display. Or you disassemble them, put them in the handy Lego storage boxes with the pamphlet, label it, and put it together again, and again, and again. Hours people of my life, now possibly years. But don't you lose that pamphlet. You lose that man and you are screwed you will never know where that red triangle slanted thing goes correctly ever again and it will just look dumb. I try to tell my boy to please, please leave them on the shelf until at the very least the monster is napping. This may in turn lead to a more successful rehabilitation for the set. Because if Jake gets ahold of one, you might as well cut your losses.

am not complaining about time with my son. Don't get me wrong. It is just the sheer focus that is required to put together a complete box of Legos is so very draining. How am I supposed to feed these children when done with this? How can I be expected to see straight? You may just call me an idiot and are thinking that you can put some Legos together in 20 minutes flat. Totally cool too, you are like Lord Lego of Nerdlandia.

In this battle of toys, it looks however that I am very defeated since my son's collection continues to grow. And now with the Star Wars trilogy under our belts, it looks as though our choices continue to expand. It seems as though Santa will have to dig a letter deeper into his pocket making Christmas equality even more difficult. Who's idea was it to have three kids?

I will tell you this one thing. When running down the stairs in the middle of the night in the darkness to get a child whatever it is they need at 3 a.m., if I continue to step with all of my weight onto another Lego I will start a war. That is where I draw the line, Legos, now go make yourself some coupons for me to use.

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