So my Monday rolled out like this.
Baby seems to have developed a fever the night before and the inability to sleep because of it.
I get out of bed because I didn't sleep, and start to get things together because the oldest needs to be at school, and the baby needs to be taken to the doctor, and the middle one needs to just go along with it all and stay happy.
Have I ever told you about Kendall in the morning? Most especially school mornings? She is a beast. I kid you not. You would think that you are asking a 17 year old adolescent who has been up until 4 am at a slumber party to get up at noon the following day to help with chores. The outcome is never short of what might occur at the end of the world. I can remember this feeling of not wanting to get up and everything in the universe being threatened against me. I also was 17 years old and up until who knows what time, doing, well things I will divulge of um, maybe later. Because after all we are speaking about my 4 or almost 5 year old daughter, ok? Now don't be silly and think I am going to let you know what I was doing all hours of the night at 17. I was an angel anyway.
Regardless of all of that, let's keep in mind that this child is only in preschool. We have 13 years ahead of us before she goes away to college and can choose not to pick 8 am classes. Let's keep in mind that she isn't up all hours of the night. Let's keep in mind that she does not yet have the freakish teenage hormones that require you to sleep all the time. So each morning I awake the beast, again and again, and again. And she will get up. I pay for this school, and she will go there and learn and she will be happy about it.
So this Monday like any other Monday, she would not get up, but on this Monday the baby is screaming his head off because he does not feel well, Ethan is screaming because he cannot hear his shows because the baby is screaming, and I am screaming because Kendall just put her head under the pillow and is still lying in bed. I then strip the blankets from her bed, open the blinds, and now she is screaming because she is more tired than any other day in her whole entire life, and I am the meanest Mom ever for not letting her just sleep. It's a scream fest all over the place, and it is awesome.
We somehow all manage to get dressed, we get baggies of cereal and head out the door, not before Stanley goes running out with them and jumps into the van. So now we are all in the van.We drive to school where there is no parking because of the piles of snow that was plowed into open parking spaces, and so I break all the rules and pull up to the sidewalk and put on my flashers. Rebel. All the preschool Mom's of the Year look at my wild self in complete horror for committing such a sin. When a terrible day comes upon us, we must do what we can to survive. I just smile and shuffle them in. I want to give a big props again for not having a drop off lane because I now have to get a sick child out and back into a carseat, a child who needs all of his guys in his arms before exiting and entering, and yell 'Stay,' to a dog that hardly listens, all while getting the student into the school hair kempt for 2.5 hours. This process would take 30 seconds without the extra cargo I have to take with me, but now it takes 15 minutes, and the baby is left screaming because I am jostling him and he is sick. He looks at me like, 'Don't you get it!??!!?! Leave me be, woman!!!'
So we get to the doctor, getting out of the car, Ethan, in typical fashion becomes impatient. He always becomes impatient when I am stressed, its like the triggers in me set off the triggers in him, and we are crabby patties all day. So he yells, 'Come on!' Which you guessed it, remember the extra passenger? Yup, jumps out of the van into the parking lot with his given cue, and proceeds to run around. Stan quickly realizes he has no idea where he is and panics and continues to run because he knows he has set me off. So baby screaming, in a parking lot with impatient 3 year old who just wants to get inside and push the buttons on the elevator and panicking dog who is instilled with flight instincts. Finally corner him in some bushes, now snow is up to my knees, filling my shoes.
We get in there. I ask about using potty in waiting room, of course not. We go back to the room, start to undress baby while Ethan attempts to get on examining table with him sending diaper bag, coats, and whatever else is in his way onto the floor. Baby screaming. Fever of 103.1. Rad. Ethan dangling off table trying to get up. Lift him up, grabs the wenis, proclaims he has to go pee pee real bad. So screaming baby in diaper, child running in circles holding wenis, find bathroom, go in, look at myself in mirror and gasp in horror. I look like I was run over by 32 tractor trailers. Seriously? It was bad. Child washes hands because that is what we do even though I tell him we will wait to get back to examining room because there is no paper towels. 'Don't worry Mommy,' child proceeds to come to me with wet hands and dry them, the dripping wet hands on my shirt. So now I look like I get hit by 32 semis in a rain storm.
Why do doctors take forever. Really? Really, why do you schedule me and make me wait 20 minutes, why not just schedule me 20 minutes later. Because having children in that small space with nothing to do for that long makes them crazy.
Dx: double ear infection with some crazy virus going on that is making him have some sores in his mouth. 'It's going around.' Must be nice to just say that and leave. So we get the order for the meds, baby is hungry and wants, 'ba-ba,' so we go out to the waiting room where they play movies. Of course today they are playing some stupidly boring movie that E has no interest in. No Toy Story, really? Grant me one blessing? No such luck. So I sit to feed the babe. The room smells of poop. I mean disgustingly smells of poop. It was making my stomach turn. And you know, you look around trying to find the culprit, you look at all the other parents, who like you, are smelling their child's butts. Then you zone in on the one mother who is too busy texting to smell her child's bum and you have found your answer. And you say to me well give her the benefit out the doubt, maybe she is updating her hubby on her kids status, maybe her house is on fire and she is telling her neighbor where the hose is, maybe, maybe, maybe not. She is smiling, laughing to herself, really self-immersed, and you can be like that sometimes. Sometimes you need to be like that. But not when your toddler has a ripe douce in his diaper that is smelling up the entire room. Ethan keeps pronouncing that it stinks, she keeps on texting. Then karma. Jake begins to toot. And not some polite little lift the leg and let out a little puff. It was like, lift both legs up, turn face red, tighten belly muscles, and let it rip for 30 seconds. And they kept coming and getting louder. I start to gather our things. Because if I am going to be that Mom that gets annoyed about a kid stinking up the waiting room and his mother not paying it any mind, then I need to be the Mom that gets up and leaves when her child is adding to the mix. Then just as the elevator door is opening, he lets is really rip, followed by the sweet sound of moisture being released, and then a sigh of relief comes from my child. And it smells ungodly. 'Mommy, this elevator stinks too, everything stinks in this place like poop!'
As we are exiting Ethan decides to run into a snow bank, gets his foot caught up and falls to the pavement. Awesome. So now I have got some skinned knees and a poopy diaper to clean up. We get into the van, shut the door to quiet our screams, and I apply band aids and turn to the stinker. I begin to change him and then realize that this poop, this one is similar to the one the other day. This poop is an explosion. I have no other clothes for him, and the only way to contain it is to keep it in. I place him into the car seat, apologize to both of my little men, crack the windows and turn up the heat.
To Target, getting prescription and milk. Ethan, beg, beg ,begging to look at toys. I say no, we have to go and get Kendall. He revolts. Have I mentioned my sweet little Ethan has found his individuality, his voice, his opinion. He chooses now to exercise this new thing. 'Nope, I am going to go and look at my toys, because that is what I want to do!' And proceeds to walk in the other direction head held high. I scoop him up, tell him I am sorry, but we do not have any time for this today. And we have a yelling protester and a funky smelling baby, never mind me, who looks like I have been hit by the 18 wheelers, remember? He proclaims for all of Target to hear, 'Well you know, I think you are the meanest Mom ever, so, so what?!?!'
We get to the school, parking again in my rebellious spot because it worked well as it could the first time, go in and get Kendall and as she is walking in my direction I see spots. She has red spots all over her neck. I get her out into the hallway, out down smelly baby, lift her shirt and they are all over her belly. Terrific. She gets these crazy hives every once in awhile and I have no idea what causes them. The doctor one time said that it might be the way her body expresses a virus, or something she is allergic to. And since it happens so infrequently we are not sure. All I know is that we have got spots, poop, and an angry middle child.
The poop is beginning to leak.
And this all would be great right if we could just go home, feed Spots and the Middle Child lunch with a movie, and put the babe in the tub, put him down for a nap, clean the carseat and laundry and call it a day. But I have to work at 3. So I take them all upstairs to my room, do what every great mom does in a crisis, and put on Sponge Bob. My kids would love to be able to watch Sponge Bob all the time but I don't let them because then we have crazy potty talk all day everyday for a week. But I need them quiet, I need them focused, I need to clean the baby, and I need to get things together. The baby gets a wipey bath, the kids get to watch 15 minutes of the show, they get lunch, I give the baby medicine and put him down for a well needed nap, shower, and I am out the door.
I drive to work to collect my thoughts. I am starting to settle and breathe.Then I smell something. Poop. The car seat is out of the car, sprayed down, where is it? I showered!?!?! But it is me, its my coat. The wet leakage went onto my coat. Typical.
One of those days.
One of those days I would have broken down and cried about had I not had a pity party this weekend. A night with the girls, to make the stories sound funny. To remind me that I am not alone. That they too are the meanest moms in the whole entire world. That their kids get spots and leak poop. And they do it all in one day also.
Details to follow.